The Bone Yard

Sorry to hear that. I'm hopeful you two can still work things out. It might require counseling, but there's nothing wrong with that. You're in my prayers.

Many of us have been down that road at some point in our lives.

A relationship is a two way street. You have two people that collide head on and then attempt to find a freeway going the same direction.

All I can offer is this-

Wake up in the morning a look in the mirror. Are you happy with "you"? Are you happy with what you are getting out of your relationship? That has to come first.

Wait... do you have kids? If you do, then strike my last statement... they come first, no matter what. If not-

Now ask yourself a question, "Has this person been trying their best to make this work"? Once again it is a two way street and one driver cannot steer both cars. Both have to want to go the same direction. It could be just an exit ramp and she'll get back on, but if she does remember this-

What you got into (a relationship) is the hardest thing that you'll ever have to work on in your life. There is no "taking a day off". You bring her flowers on every other day besides Valentines day or anniversary. You do her chores around the house. You let her have the remote. You do things that she wants to do.

There has to be give and take, both have to want it. If only one person is trying to make a relationship work, then is it really worth it? That has to be her decision, you cannot decide for her. If you do, you'll end up on the same road.

Someone once said, "Men are pigs, women are art". Personally, I'm okay with that statement, I tend to be a pig, but I sure do things everyday that makes my wife happy. In return, she accepts my pigdom.

We are also a family here, and we will always be here to support a brother in need.. Best wishes....now go look in that mirror! Be happy with you first! Strange how people tend to gravitate toward those that are happy with themselves.

I wish you the best. Always keep fighting for what you believe in. If you put in 110%, you'll never regret at least trying. Best wishes bud.

Sorry to hear, Winter. A solution to this is talking might be found by seeking out a group of men who have already gone through this. Local, face to face, support. Main thing is you are not alone.

Pizza Pat has it right. Your happiness must begin and end with you, separate of anyone else in life. That is a very difficult thing to understand, let alone achieve. Personal fulfillment cannot be had but by trusting and loving yourself separate of anyone else. I know, I've been through two divorces, became a single parent along the way and felt the bitter sting of betrayal.

Ultimately, I had to accept that I made bad decisions. My choices were my own and I had to own them. Conversely, two different women made their own decisions, regardless of how much I wanted them to think and believe differently.

What you must know is that this is about your wife's decision, not you. She has decided to travel a path she must own, and you cannot beat yourself up nor can you cast yourself down because of her choices. What you must do is seek out someone to counsel with to realize that you are a whole and good person unto yourself. An individual that accepts and trusts himself to learn to be happy shed of anyone else. This seems a daunting task, a lonely one when you start that journey. However, the end result is that you will become a beacon of light that beams bright because of the knowledge that regardless of anyone of anything you love who you are and trust who you will be. When that switch turns on inside of you, you will be the most attractive person to all you meet. People will wonder how to achieve such a strength and assuredness that you exhibit and in fact are. At this point, without trying, you will attract a mate that understands the same strength in you that she learned to gain in her own life's path.

As hard as it is for you to understand now, you and your wife have traveled two different paths. You cannot follow hers to gain your own way in life, that you must find on your own. Heartbreak takes us to the depths. It has its purpose to do so. Pulling yourself out of the deepest and darkest pit you've ever found yourself in will build you better and stronger, but it must be based on love for who and how you are ...never bitterness. Accepting that you've made the decisions that have brought you to that terrible pit of sorrow is the starting point for you to become a person that is stronger, better and more loving of self and life than you can imagine now.

Seek out those that can help you onto the path of true self fulfillment and you will find more happiness than you can possibly imagine now. The first rule is to shed all fear, and then move forward.

PM me, if you wish. My prayers and love for you and the path you are about to travel are with you on that journey, that is what this community is about. Lean on us, lean on me, you will become better than you can imagine now.

Winter my thoughts are with you !! There is a bunch of wisdom in the posts above !! My Father gave me a nugget of wisdom as he was dying from cancer that I reflect back on in my times of struggle. Everything will be ok, it may or may not turn out the way we want it to, but by faith and trust in God it will be ok. A simple statement that as I struggled with his death made no sence to me, but as time wen't on and things turned out to be different but "ok" I figured out what he was trying to tell me. My hope for you is that you are ok !! Hope it helps a little and know that your BYC friends will be here and think of you often in your time of struggle !! GBR

I have been praying for you and your wife and your marriage.

Be not afraid - you are not alone. While it might be very hard to see or believe right now you are loved with an everlasting love. Keep your head up and especially keep love in your heart. Do that and you will find peace - and then you will have strength.

God bless you and those you love.

wow man. that is rough. sorry to hear that.

Sorry to hear about this. I will have you in my thoughts and prayers. Good thoughts in this thread. My suggestion is that you read your post again because it has some really good things in there, and project that to your wife in action and words. If she is willing to work on it and you do this I'm thinking it may all work out.

Good Luck.

Not going to add anything that zonie and pizza didn't cover. Been through it myself, she just chose to ask for it 2 days before oir first anniversary. My peace came through self examination and the fact that I tried everything I could to make it work. Life does go on though man and sometimes it takes a little pain to open your eyes to it. Thoughts are with ya and if you need to chat pm, my ears are open.

Thank you all very much. I appreciate the support, prayers, thoughts and words of wisdom and advice. My wife is the best thing to ever happen to me and I will continue to fight for our relationship. Thank you all.

Not the type of news I ever wish to read about. Puts everything I am going through into perpective. I am fortunate to have my family by my side as I go through my trails and tribulations. I sent you a PM, and I mean what I told you 100%.

Prayers for you and your wife that you both find happiness.