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And it was the worst day of my life. Without going into too much detail I will just say that the person I love most in life has asked for a separation. This person is the reason I wake up in the morning, they are the reason I am motivated to give everything 100% and they are the reason I was happy. I love my wife with all my heart.
I don't know what the future holds for me, and honestly, I don't want to experience anything without her. I'm not going to do anything stupid. I am 24 years old. We have been married for about 2.5 years, and together for almost 6. I honestly don't know why I am typing this here, I need support.
I have moved into the second bedroom of our house for the time being, and this is the first night I have spent away from her. Let's just say I am struggling.
I have asked for one more opportunity to turn it around, and I'm not sure what she will decide. Either way, I will be spending the next few weeks in this bedroom.
I tried to go to sleep at 11:00 pm and it is now close to 5 am. I am sure I slept some here and there, but mostly I just laid here and shook, disgusted with myself for not doing everything possible to make my wife the happy.
I have never wept like I have today. I am completely broken. I never realized how much I took her for granted until right now. I went to sleep with, and woke up next to the most wonderful person I have ever known.
I am sorry to the boneyard for bringing my heartache here, but I have nowhere else to turn. My parents and my wife never "got along", and anything they say will just make the pain of losing her even worse.
My hope with this post is that hopefully one person that reads this post, who is in a similar situation to me, understands what it is like to lose someone you would give anything for. I hope someone sees this and makes the changes needed to have a successful marriage.
Again, I am sorry to the boneyard for bringing this here. Have a good day.
This post has been edited 5 times, most recently by WintersComing 6 months ago
I'm so sorry to hear about the problems between you and your wife. My prayers are with you.
Sorry to hear that. I'm hopeful you two can still work things out. It might require counseling, but there's nothing wrong with that. You're in my prayers.
I appreciate it you guys. Aside from my wife, this is the boneyard is the best family I have. I am truly thankful.
Many of us have been down that road at some point in our lives.
A relationship is a two way street. You have two people that collide head on and then attempt to find a freeway going the same direction.
All I can offer is this-
Wake up in the morning a look in the mirror. Are you happy with "you"? Are you happy with what you are getting out of your relationship? That has to come first.
Wait... do you have kids? If you do, then strike my last statement... they come first, no matter what. If not-
Now ask yourself a question, "Has this person been trying their best to make this work"? Once again it is a two way street and one driver cannot steer both cars. Both have to want to go the same direction. It could be just an exit ramp and she'll get back on, but if she does remember this-
What you got into (a relationship) is the hardest thing that you'll ever have to work on in your life. There is no "taking a day off". You bring her flowers on every other day besides Valentines day or anniversary. You do her chores around the house. You let her have the remote. You do things that she wants to do.
There has to be give and take, both have to want it. If only one person is trying to make a relationship work, then is it really worth it? That has to be her decision, you cannot decide for her. If you do, you'll end up on the same road.
Someone once said, "Men are pigs, women are art". Personally, I'm okay with that statement, I tend to be a pig, but I sure do things everyday that makes my wife happy. In return, she accepts my pigdom.
We are also a family here, and we will always be here to support a brother in need.. Best wishes....now go look in that mirror! Be happy with you first! Strange how people tend to gravitate toward those that are happy with themselves.
Prayers man. Also sent u a pm
cool picture from space
I wish you the best. Always keep fighting for what you believe in. If you put in 110%, you'll never regret at least trying. Best wishes bud.
Wishing you the best. Hope things work out.
Sorry to hear, Winter. A solution to this is talking might be found by seeking out a group of men who have already gone through this. Local, face to face, support. Main thing is you are not alone.
Been there done that. I fought to try and change my ex wife's mind too. In the end it wasnt worth it for me. I found someone else and am much happier now. Chin up.
This post was edited by Juke17 15 months ago
Pizza Pat has it right. Your happiness must begin and end with you, separate of anyone else in life. That is a very difficult thing to understand, let alone achieve. Personal fulfillment cannot be had but by trusting and loving yourself separate of anyone else. I know, I've been through two divorces, became a single parent along the way and felt the bitter sting of betrayal.
Ultimately, I had to accept that I made bad decisions. My choices were my own and I had to own them. Conversely, two different women made their own decisions, regardless of how much I wanted them to think and believe differently.
What you must know is that this is about your wife's decision, not you. She has decided to travel a path she must own, and you cannot beat yourself up nor can you cast yourself down because of her choices. What you must do is seek out someone to counsel with to realize that you are a whole and good person unto yourself. An individual that accepts and trusts himself to learn to be happy shed of anyone else. This seems a daunting task, a lonely one when you start that journey. However, the end result is that you will become a beacon of light that beams bright because of the knowledge that regardless of anyone of anything you love who you are and trust who you will be. When that switch turns on inside of you, you will be the most attractive person to all you meet. People will wonder how to achieve such a strength and assuredness that you exhibit and in fact are. At this point, without trying, you will attract a mate that understands the same strength in you that she learned to gain in her own life's path.
As hard as it is for you to understand now, you and your wife have traveled two different paths. You cannot follow hers to gain your own way in life, that you must find on your own. Heartbreak takes us to the depths. It has its purpose to do so. Pulling yourself out of the deepest and darkest pit you've ever found yourself in will build you better and stronger, but it must be based on love for who and how you are ...never bitterness. Accepting that you've made the decisions that have brought you to that terrible pit of sorrow is the starting point for you to become a person that is stronger, better and more loving of self and life than you can imagine now.
Seek out those that can help you onto the path of true self fulfillment and you will find more happiness than you can possibly imagine now. The first rule is to shed all fear, and then move forward.
PM me, if you wish. My prayers and love for you and the path you are about to travel are with you on that journey, that is what this community is about. Lean on us, lean on me, you will become better than you can imagine now.
This post was edited by Zonie87 15 months ago
...It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. Fields
I'm sorry to hear of your heartache. I know it is tough. maybe try to find a marriage counselor and see if she will give you at least 6 months to try and make things better together. marriage is a lot of work and sometimes its good to bring someone in to help gain perspective. try to convince her that marriage isn't something to just throw away without trying everything possible to make it better. I hope this helps. good luck and I will pray for you.
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Winter my thoughts are with you !! There is a bunch of wisdom in the posts above !! My Father gave me a nugget of wisdom as he was dying from cancer that I reflect back on in my times of struggle. Everything will be ok, it may or may not turn out the way we want it to, but by faith and trust in God it will be ok. A simple statement that as I struggled with his death made no sence to me, but as time wen't on and things turned out to be different but "ok" I figured out what he was trying to tell me. My hope for you is that you are ok !! Hope it helps a little and know that your BYC friends will be here and think of you often in your time of struggle !! GBR
I'm so sorry, man. About a year ago, my six-year relationship ended (I was 26 at the time), so I can relate a little bit -- not completely, since every situation is unique. I'm not great with advice, so I think any words of wisdom I could offer right now would be inadequate. I'll just say this: stay strong and don't give up.
This post was edited by MikeCaramba 15 months ago
I have been praying for you and your wife and your marriage.
Be not afraid - you are not alone. While it might be very hard to see or believe right now you are loved with an everlasting love. Keep your head up and especially keep love in your heart. Do that and you will find peace - and then you will have strength.
God bless you and those you love.
wow man. that is rough. sorry to hear that.
Sorry to hear about this. I will have you in my thoughts and prayers. Good thoughts in this thread. My suggestion is that you read your post again because it has some really good things in there, and project that to your wife in action and words. If she is willing to work on it and you do this I'm thinking it may all work out.
This post was edited by westoaksarthur 15 months ago
Thoughts are with you, man.
Twitter: @mikejschaefer Email: email@example.com
Not going to add anything that zonie and pizza didn't cover. Been through it myself, she just chose to ask for it 2 days before oir first anniversary. My peace came through self examination and the fact that I tried everything I could to make it work. Life does go on though man and sometimes it takes a little pain to open your eyes to it. Thoughts are with ya and if you need to chat pm, my ears are open.
Prayers are sent your way. Sorry to hear about it.
Thank you all very much. I appreciate the support, prayers, thoughts and words of wisdom and advice. My wife is the best thing to ever happen to me and I will continue to fight for our relationship. Thank you all.
I'm sorry to hear man. I hope everything works for you. I was in a relationship that recent ended, however we weren't married so I can't image what you are going through.
If you need to get out of the house and happen to live in Lincoln, I'm always down to go get a beer or something.
Not the type of news I ever wish to read about. Puts everything I am going through into perpective. I am fortunate to have my family by my side as I go through my trails and tribulations. I sent you a PM, and I mean what I told you 100%.
Prayers for you and your wife that you both find happiness.
"In the deed, the glory"
Good luck and be strong. Everything will be as it is meant to be in the end. Work on self improvement. Do it for you and nobody else. It is hard to love someone who is not happy with who they are or feels they should be better than they are.
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